Is it possible to be too much of an active listener

There is little attempt to draw others out or assume other forms of active listening. This creates doubt in the other regarding the interest of their topics or their rights to attention … A second very common minimal use practice involves the … delay of background acknowledgements.

As Derber illustrates, we must not underestimate the importance of our responses when it comes to active listening. The other person does not care if we listen with great attention if our responses do not reflect this.

In some cases, a comment or question is necessary. Often, a simple acknowledgment is sufficient. Most people listen with intent to do something — usually to defend themselves, or to solve a problem. Nearly everyone listens with the intent of having something ready to say as soon as the speaker is finished. Have you ever wondered how crazy that is? You can imagine how ineffective this is.

While there is no one method for learning to listen actively, there are a number of small changes we can make.

Active listening, like any skill, is developed by practicing, not by reading about it. By applying the concept to each conversation we have, we can gradually develop the ability to communicate well. This might include:.

Read Next. Mental Models Reading Time: 10 minutes. There is a difference between hearing and listening. Adler writes in How to Speak, How to Listen : We all realize that the ability to read requires training…the same would appear to be true of speaking and listening … training is required … Likewise, skill in listening is either a native gift or it must be acquired by training. Active listening is a technique for developing our ability to listen. As Sheldon B. Kopp writes: The therapist can interpret, advise, provide the emotional acceptance and support that nurtures personal growth, and above all, he can listen.

However, a number of potential barriers can prevent comprehension, including: Language barriers. The use of jargon or slang.

Difference in culture, age, social rank and other discrepancies between people. Retaining To respond in an appropriate manner, we must understand and retain what the other person has said. There are a number of potential barriers to retention, including: Cognitive biases and selective listening we will look at this in more detail later.

Distractions, either internal or external such as fatigue or a noisy environment. Issues with memory such as Dementia. Responding Conversations are active, not passive. Then, John can speak: John: What can I do which would make you feel better about our relationship? Active Listening as a Means of Overcoming Conversational Narcissism If you have ever been in a conversation with someone who is only interested in talking about themselves, you will understand what conversational narcissism is and how it makes you feel.

Notice how different those two scenarios sounded in your head. Crossing arms can be interpreted as rejection of the message though this can be confusing as sometimes it may just mean the listener is feeling cold. Smiling and nodding indicates that you are following what the speaker is saying and that you are interested to hear more. Signs of distraction include looking away, humming, doodling, checking your phone, texting, or surfing the web. This communicates that you are uninterested in what the speaker is saying.

The following are some examples of responses that stimulate meaningful understanding. Comments like these put the speaker in a defensive mode.

They can be insulting and can inhibit further discussion. In general, you want to encourage speakers to be able to openly share their message.

The more strategies that you use for active listening, the more the speaker will be able to freely share the message, and the more likely you are to be able to truly understand the message. These strategies are not only useful in one-on-one conversations; they are also useful in educational settings such as listening to lectures in class, listening to lab assistants and fellow students in lab activities, and listening in group work projects.

Even in a lecture, if you are busy playing with your phone, or checking your email, you not only convey to the speaker that you are not interested, but you are also distracted from clearly hearing the message. People think that they can multi-task, but in reality they are missing a lot of the message when they are busy doing other things. Furthermore, if you try to look interested, you likely will be more interested.

If you sit attentively, you likely will be more attentive. Practice active listening skills in your various classes and educational activities. Listening in a classroom or lecture hall to learn can be challenging because you are limited by how—and how much—you can interact with an instructor during the class. The following strategies help make listening at lectures more effective and learning more fun.

A note about recording lectures: You may want to record a lecture to double-check what you heard in class, but do it with caution. Reflecting, or paraphrasing, is a key component of active listening, but many people find it a tricky skill to master. Say your sister and her partner are trying to work out some relationship issues. Since you and your sister get along well, she vents to you from time to time. Reflecting takes things a step further, since it conveys your understanding while also encouraging them to share more.

You can honor this trust, in part, by acknowledging their emotions as valid. Even so, stay focused on their perspective instead of questioning their emotions. You can still validate someone when you disagree. It also helps to avoid getting defensive if their feelings are directed toward you.

Acknowledging their frustration instead of brushing it off typically leads to more productive communication and conflict resolution. Active listening is part of communication, so aim to have a dialogue. A few quiet pauses are just fine, but try to avoid letting the silence stretch out.

Still, you might try as the saying goes walking in their shoes. The situation could be more complex than you realize. A smile can take the place of a short verbal affirmation in helping to diffuse any tension and ensure the speaker feels comfortable. Being still can communicate focus.

To do this, try and avoid movements like glancing at your watch or phone, audibly sighing, doodling or tapping a pen. You should also avoid exchanging verbal or non-verbal communications with others listening to the speaker. This can make the speaker feel frustrated and uncomfortable.

Always keep your eyes on the speaker and avoid looking at other people or objects in the room. By implementing the above verbal and non-verbal techniques into future conversations, you can work toward developing stronger relationships and retaining more information from your workplace interactions.

Active listening takes practice to improve and maintain. Find jobs. Company reviews. Find salaries. Upload your resume. Sign in. Career Development. What is active listening? Why is active listening important in the workplace?