Why do we envy others

Because I wanted the likes, the messages of congratulations, and perhaps, if I am brutally honest, I wanted others to know that I was doing well. I felt ashamed.

It is easy to justify publicising a promotion on Twitter as necessary for work, as a quick way of spreading the news to colleagues and peers.

Friends, family, colleagues — anyone who needs to know will find out soon enough; with news that is quite personal, do we need to make it so public? Honing your personal brand on social media may seem good for business, but it does have a price. It all creates an atmosphere where showing off — whether unapologetically or deceptively — is not just normalised but expected, and that is a space where envy can flourish.

I do not think the answer necessarily always lies in being more honest about our lives — it might sometimes lie in simply shutting up. Of course, raising awareness about previously hushed-up, devastating experiences of miscarriage or abuse or harassment can have the power to challenge stigma and change society. But ostensibly authentic posts about mindfulness, or sadness, or no makeup selfies are always designed to portray their poster in the best light. But as a less extreme emotional experience, it can serve a function in our lives.

Just as hunger tells us we need to eat, the feeling of envy, if we can listen to it in the right way, could show us what is missing from our lives that really matters to us, Kross explains. If that is achievable, you could take proper steps towards achieving it. But at the same time, ask yourself, what would be good enough? When I reflect on those two moments of piercing envy that I cannot forget, I can see — once I have waded through the shame and embarrassment so much for keeping the personal personal — that they coincided with acute periods of unhappiness and insecurity.

I was struggling to establish myself as a freelance writer and, before that, struggling to establish a social life after leaving home for university in a new city. The age of envy: how to be happy when everyone else's life looks perfect. Illustration: Alva Skog. It made me remember wanting penny loafers when all the other girls in school got them! I also envied the kids in college that got monthly spending allowances from their parents instead of eating popcorn for dinner every other night!

But guess what? I am now very content and at peace that I am so self-sufficient and learned how to get pretty much everything I ever wanted!

A thank you to my parents!! Negativity comes by anticipating future happenings which are not in our hands. A lot of people who are envy of somebody will try and change their attitude towards them. Thanks to your post! We all seem to want what others have got. Wanting more, chasing more, amassing more. Never settling for the simple things we have. Never staying still. If we did then maybe envy would be unneccesary.

Envy is not being true to who you are and what you have. We all are enough. I see this a lot with other bloggers and marketers. They see these great results and get mad wondering why not them too.

Thanks for this post. Such a good reminder. Just like taking a shower to get our bodies clean, reading such good articles is like that…except we are cleansing our thoughts.

I love your post on envy. Accumulating more material things tells me how insecure or shallow that person may be. Thanks for your post. Wilma a new blogger. Or the envy can just be something that irritates and distracts you from time to time.

So that you can spend your time here in a lighter and happier headspace. Focus on yourself when it comes to comparing. These cookies do not store any personal information. Any cookies that may not be particularly necessary for the website to function and is used specifically to collect user personal data via analytics, ads, other embedded contents are termed as non-necessary cookies.

It is mandatory to procure user consent prior to running these cookies on your website. An envy attack can involve: Putting you down — either overtly, or subtly. Provoking a reaction in you, from anger to sadness to outrage — then standing back and watching sparks fly. Undermining your opinion or stance so you begin to doubt yourself. Showing off about their own achievements, or the accomplishments of their children or other family members, even when rather modest.

This can feel humiliating. Copying you — or pre-empting you beyond the limit of simple flattery. Generally just making you feel bad about yourself. How to survive an envy attack: If you start to feel small, this is what the envious person wants.

Try to catch that feeling of diminishing yourself and stop yourself from doing it. Remind the envious person of their own strengths and successes. Encourage them to count their own blessings.

Create ways to protect your energies from being sucked out of you. Think about visualising yourself in a protective bubble, so any envy attack coming your way can bounce off you. Ultimately, choose to hang out with people who make you feel good about yourself, rather than those who deplete you.

Karen Dempsey With a year career in print and online publishing and an MA in creative writing, Karen Dempsey has worked as a journalist, editor and copywriter and has managed large editorial teams. Leave new gregory mee.